HOA dumb moment rant book
by Doodle Dee Bop Bop
Summary: A humorous rant book about all the little things I, and probably you, find irritating about stories, reviewers, and basically this whole fandom. I don't own HOA
1. Once

The House of Anubis fandom is a special sort of fandom, it has some of the bit heist reviewers, creative stories that get copied like that (pregnancy pact I'm looking at you!) and very little kindness towards new pairings. I am here to rant, joke, and report the dumbest moments in the HOA fanfiction.

In this fandom there is an awful lot of love triangles, and I mean those are good and all but seriously these are the most terrible least 'who will they choose?' Love triangles ever.

Because the book goes all like,

_HI, I'm Nina, I'm super duper perfect, and I have a wonderful boyfriend Fabian. Oh no, he dumped me for a hoe named Joy. She's super rude and tried to set me on fire today! Oh yea, somehow Fabian chose me after Joy tried to drown because he talked to me, I wonder why He chose me over her?_

Really Nina, you have to wonder why he chose you?

Then there are the times when the love triangle isn't super stupid, but then you read there name and its like

***Fabina shipper for life death and every Jabian shippers murder xoxoxo123***

And it's a story involving Nina and Fabian.

Hmmm, I wonder who she's going to choose.

Describing, it is a skill writers here go above and beyond on or go none at all.

_I put on my light pink aerie bra with my pale blue Victoria Secret underwear and put on my uniform which consisted of a gray skirt, white frilled button down, red blaser, knee high socks, wedge heels, then put on 'light makeup' of covergirl foundation, blaclest black maybelline mascara, and red lipstick from MAC, before grabbing my Burberry scarf and coach bag._

I am not reading this book because I want to know what's in you closet, I can care less about what brand of mascara a fictional character is using.

So you either get that or,

_I put on clothes, went to school, put on pajamas, went to sleep._

If you can describe what happened to you in your entire day in one sentence you better be in a coma because you sure as hell can not have done nothing worth describing your whole entire day.

Some common Reviewers

_The Urgent_

_Update_

All they ever put. It doesn't matter if you wrote a oneshot or finished upma 39272733 chapter book, they will always tell you to update.

_Honey Buns_

_Oh my god I love this book. I love you, you rock. This is the best thing ever written. Please write more this is so amazing._

This is the review that really gets people, it is the biggest load of garabage from planet BS you will read on this site. And in case you did not get the memo, you didn't not turn into John Green while writing a 500 word fanfiction about Alfie finding true love with chicken Mcnuggets.

_Anon Haters_

_I hate you! go die in a whole you freaking ass. You suck so bad! Go leave this site!_

Ugh, I hate that these are so common, mostly because I don't understand them. So I insulted your ship? This is based off of a children's tv show, there is mostly definitely no reason to swear about me writing down my opinion.

**So thats all for now kit kats, I'll post soon, but review what you wanna see in the next few chapters. Love Ya.**


	2. Upon

**This one is to the guest reviewer who wanted me to talk about long waits.**

So sure, as a writer we've all been here with our stories. Maybe we have to much work, or school, but usually it's just writers block.

this is the most irritating thing as a reader that can happen.

Then you come back two and a half years later like, '_Sorry guys I was washing my cat.' _

Bitch, your cat better be the size of Nebraska because your excuse ain't cutting it.

Then they post like,

_Patricia suddenly was kidnapped, and even though this story was about Fabian getting his medical degree, I'm changing it mid story. So fabian brought back together Sibuna, but then something awful happened. Giant cliffhanger HERE -._

Then they never post anymore and delete the story because they're to busy declawing Nebraska Cat.

Anywho, I want to tell a little Keddie story.

So Keddie is a ship here, and it was slightly canon, so I expected some stories to pop up, but honestly one story comes up and it becomes World War III out there as Peddie shippers send it down with so much hate that that ship sinks faster than the Titanic.

Why? Seriously why? I posted a Mara/Victor oneshot on here and it got less hate than Keddie. A nasty ass old man teen girl story got LESS HATE THAN A TWO TEEN NORMAL COUPLE. That is not right.

Ugh I can't even.

So now is, dumb Nina Fanfic moments!

_Fabian breaks up with Nina._

_"Well I'm going to go dress like a slut because that's a sure way to win back my nerdy boyfriend who used to stutter and not be able to speak in front girls. That's a great way to win him back!"_

Or ya know you could, talk out your problems instead of hiding them under a crop top. Of course revenge is the best bra stuffer.

_"Someone doesn't like me so I am going to move to America."_

Who the fuck gets in an argument so they move to a different country? 'oh no, my dog barked at me! Guess I have to go live with Santa in the North Pole.'

_Nina and Eddie can't deny their feeling for eadh other, and Patricia and Fabian can't either._

Is this some kind of boyfriend gift swap?

This concludes the dumb Nina Fanfic Moments

'**Hey Guys I Made An oc But Don't Worry She Will Fit In In The Story.**

_'Sup Y'all I Draquisha Shanigua Lillo Hemmings Styles LaGothRichie and I'm super pretty and popular and perfect and all the Anubis boys want me, but I'm also a vampire.'_

Why do you think this makes any sense? Honestly, the fact that your OC is perfect will bug the shit out of everyone is one thing, but the whole vampire+OC+Your name should be Mary Sue= I am totally printing out your story so I can burn it. Ooh #sassmasta.

Question, who the fuck gives the students the talk at this school? Like does your housemother give the girls am talk, and then the guyman give the boys? Because if Victor gives the like 12 year old Anubis boys the whole birds and then bees things, I am going to die of laughter.


	3. A Time

**Oh my god guys, you're reviews all made me smile so hard! So if any of ya'll wanna know who I ship it is most defs Peddie, Jeroy, and Walfie.**

So Titles, I have seen so many where it's like,

_'_defiantley_ inn Luv whit you're fase'_

So I'm just like, what? Rule of thumb, you don't know how to spell the word, either get a dictionary or don't fucking use the word. Secondly, definitely in love with your face? Where do you guys come up with these titles, because I have seen things weirder than this, and the summary is like.

_The Countless ways Fabes has complomented Nina in life. Please read it is so much better than the summary. I suck at summaries._

Firstly, I like your face is not a good compliment unless your bridget Mendler in that song she had like a century ago. Secondly, how much better is your story really going to be if you can't describe it?

'_Hey guys it's Mara, SomeHOAWriterWithAReallyLongPenName doesn't own House of Anubis. Thanks for reading. By the way she kidnapped me, oh no!_

Mara is a character in your story, why the hell is she 'introducing' it? the whole kidnap thing makes Ya look like a sociopath, and honey that isn't a good thing.

-irritating page break here using the word HOA, why can't you just use a line?-

I dont have a problem with OC contest, in fact I think it's a great way to get readers to interact and be excited for your story. I do have a problem with your problems with it.

So the author has this cool sounding OC contest, then they choose the winners and never update ever again. Are you serious? I wasted five minutes filling out that application when I could have been making like microwave Ramen or something.

Then the OC form is like

_What is your blood type-_

_How would they handle the death of their firstborn-_

_How much money would it take to get them to kill somebody-_

Am I making a gang member?

Then the authors when they do update, but is like slower than it takes to get a new Sherlock season out.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dumb Patrica Fanfiction moments<strong>  
><em>

_'__Oh no Patricia was kidnapped again.'_

Why is she always kidnapped, why can't we get rid of KT or Jerome for a little while, huh?

_**'**Oh my god Eddie I love you so much, even though we were totally broken up for a while because I was afraid of this.'_

I don't know why this irritates me so muc, but I just can stand it when people write Patricia dialogue and she sounds like this super clingy lovestruck girlfriend. Ugh.

_Patrica opened her mouth and sang like a professional opera singer._

Why is she always a singer? Why can't she be a pro bowler, or really good at taming small animals?

**So not very long, but I plan on doing a special 'Dumb Moments of Pregnancy HOA stories' tonight.**


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